I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
