Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
