we have pet lesbian snakes
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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