Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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