So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
