hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm just crazy horny about you
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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