I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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