it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
