vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
