Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize