I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Ladies don't puke and tell
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
