you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
