Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
