i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Duck Duck Cougar?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
