I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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