I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
you made out with another girl for some wings
I need water and some morals
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
