I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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