True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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