Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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