mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
