Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
