Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
