Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
