He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
