Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
