Betty ford says i'm here all night
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
