When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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