the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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