I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize
