What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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