There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
