worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
my nose is crying tears of wow.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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