Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
