Please don't use social media to get back at me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
