she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
