okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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