Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
