I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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