I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
