Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
