Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
