:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
