He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
