Do you still have your period?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
