Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize