Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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