Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
