I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
