So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
