guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
