So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
