come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize