PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
