First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
