After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
