I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm getting married
To pizza
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
