My first STD was from a foam party
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
