the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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