Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
