We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
