I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
